Pedronaut

Booked a flight to Switzerland, took a train to Randa. And walked up hill for  quite a while, till we got to a place that sold beer. We stayed the night there. Niall went to bed early, because he had come all the way from New York City in God bless America and had been awake now and traveling for 300 days. Micker Lyle and I stayed up playing cards with the lovely bottom brigade, who like us were only a stones throw from home.

In the morning, we paid the man who owned the house at the top of the mountain. And we took off to do more walking. Unfortunately the bridge was impassable because it was dangerous. So we walked all the way back down the mountain, then walked all the way back up again to join the path on the other side of the bridge.

It was a nice days walking. But it was taking a long time. And it was late in the evening when we arrived into Zermat. We made friends with an American girl and visited some pubs.

The next day, we took the train to Schwarzee and walked up to the Hornli Hut. Micker and Niall walked ahead of me. And I walked easy and chatted to a nice lady who’s daughter live in Zermat, who knew a man that organized fishing trips to a lake in the mountains. It all reminded me of salmon fishing in the Yemen, A book I’d bought by mistake one time because some old lady who worked there said I’d like it, but I didn’t ever read it, I watched the film once and in hindsight that was a mistake too. I had some nice Rosti mit speck und ei at the hornli hut. Then I went to take a piss in their outdoor toilet and nearly vomited. I was spitting out the taste of those toilets all the way down.

The next day we walked to a real modern hut in the mountains for lunch. I can’t remember the name of it now. It was a nice walk. And the speck in their rosti tasted different to normal bacon, it tasted a little like sausage but it was nice. I enjoyed walking over a glacier to get there. I had never worn crampons before and I felt even more like a mountain goat than I usually do. The people living at the hut were nice, They smoked weed and looked like they were in love. Someday I too would be in love and live in the mountains and smoke weed. On that day all would be well with the world. After lunch we went back to Zerrmat. I drank brandy that night in a small bar that reminded me a little of the Galloping Green.  

The next day we hiked up to another hut. I can’t remember the name of this one either, it was a few months ago. We got up at lunch time, I ordered an omelette with bacon and Rosti. I was real slow getting up there, and happily took my time because there was no hurry. I enjoyed looking at all the wild flowers and butterflies, Then we walked on a lovely narrow moraine to get there. There was great view of the Matterhorn to our left. After lunch we sat out on the grass and made coffee with the msr reactor. Looking at the Matterhorn under the warm sun we plotted new routes up it and could hear the occasional rock and snowfall come off it.

The next morning we got up real early and left the hut in the dark headed to thrift, a hotel in the mountains. When the sun began to rise it lit up in red the top of the Matterhorn, and it looked real pretty if you’re into that kind of thing. We stopped here for tea. And continued on toward Thrift. There the man served us homemade hetrbal ice tea which was very nice, and Rosti mit speck und ei. Then we waklked up to the tiop of the mettlehorn. It was a long bloody hike I could have done without. But I was on a hiking holiday so had to keep at it.

 Lyle was the first to the top then Micker. It was pretty scary on top, and falls to your death everywhere, so I didn’t jump around too much, I just jumped around casually when I was getting into position to take a photo, that freaked the little fuckers who’d beaten me to the top out a little. I got my groove back on the way down. And started running as we approached Thrift. Micker had just that day after 35 years of living learnt how to run down hill. I was running behind him teasing him that I would beat him to the hotel, but he was too fast. Me and Niall slept out under the stars that night, near to the hotel. Niall fell into a river he was crossing as we were getting to our camp spot. That was pretty stupid. I wondered would he get hypothermia and die on me. So I offered him some of my brandy and went to sleep. I wasn’t feeling too sleepy because the mountains were so inspiring so I drew a picture of a spider in my log book then I had a cigarette and went to sleep.

The next day we met David in Zermat. And went out on the beer. Lyle and Micker had to rise at 5 for their flight home. My alarm clock went off at about 4 in the morning, shortly after they had settled into bed. It must have been ringing a while because it woke me up. I turned it off Lyle and Micker were a bit confused by it and asking each other is it time to get up. Only me I said sorry about that, was the last thing I said to them. In the morning they were gone. There was a puke stain and a piss stain outside the hostel under our window. We heade off to stay in the hut across the glacier for the night.

David was in good health and much faster than I remembered. When I got to the hut I smoked a fat cigar out on the veranda with a beer, because I had quit cigarettes. We got good food that night and it just kept coming and I just kept shoveling it in until I had to say that’ll do to the servant boy. In the morning we woke up. Someone had shat or puked all over one of the toilet cubicle floors. I wondered what kind of an asshole would leave such a mess. People would leave from this hut, who’s name I can’t remember at 2 in the morning and head for a real high mountain nearby with ice axes and ropes and all.  It was a nice walk back across the glacier toward Zermat, and it was fun passing amateurs who were all roped up and using axes while we were just walking along without a care in the world. We got back to Zermat and went drinking,

-Lyle and Micker eating omelets